G, Part III.

G. was in my dream again last night. Well, it was not her really, but it was about her again.

I dreamt that I had dinner with some of our classmates and I was finally able to tell them of my predicament (i.e. that I still have feelings for G. and that I was restraining myself from actually confessing to her and to exhort her not to get married). It was not clear who else was there, other than Carrie and C. (our common friend with G.'s impending groom and who introduced them to each other). After I unloaded my feelings, C. urged me to tell G. of my feelings. C. further impressed upon me that G. was also having misgivings on her wedding-in-progress and that she also still has feelings for me. C. urged me and urged me and urged me. Our other classmates joined in. After that, the dream ended.

-----oOo-----

I do not know how to react to this dream. For years and years, I prayed for God to send me a sign on how to act (or move) vis-a-vis G. Is this it? The sign coming at the very last moment.

I am presently burried in work. I highly doubt it that I will find time to go to Singapore and confront G. What would I tell her. A confession of my feelings, that I am prepared. Can I go further? I think not. I am not ready to offer her a marriage if that is what she wants in life right now. I am still enjoying single life. The fact that what I earn is spent on myself and without need to account to anyone. The fact that I can go out with whomever and whenever. And that I can also sleep with whomever, regardless of gender.

However, I am prepared to let go of some things that used to be impossible for me to think to live without. My mother will most certainly be happy if I get married now. My nephews do not need me as much as they used to. They would rather play with friends and their PS2, anyway. I can start to draw the lines with Rachel and Claire to remain just friends. But my freedom, I cannot right now.

And so my reservations remain. As well as the agony that I am about to lose G.

Return of the Blog.

For the past three weeks, I have been having problems in composing entries in my blog. The "edit html" and "compose" buttons were missing. Thus, I was unable to make any proper entry. Whatever I typed in my "create post" page just could not be saved and published. The problem was peculiar not only to my blogspot account but also in my yahoo account, wherein all messages I opened in my inbox were empty, I couldn't likewise compose or send messages, and transfer a message from one folder to another.

The technician, Danny, came in today and fixed my computer. He was here also the other day but the removal of the virus did not remedy matters. Today, he reformatted my PC and it appears to have worked. In the next few days, I will try to finalize my unpublished posts from January 31, 2007, when I first encountered the problem. Anyway, just a few minutes ago, I was able to successfully publish my post on my choice as 2006 Man of the Year.

New Screensaver for my P910i.

Earlier today, I downloaded a new screensaver from playgirl.com for my Sony Ericsson P910i. He is Kevin Michaels, who appeared in the centerfold of Playgirl Magazine in the first half of last year, if my memory serves me right.

Just one word: Gorgeous!!!

Dangling Modifier.

Everyone has a monicker for the male genitalia. Cock, dick, rocket, mini-me, pole. There are even parallels with food, such as hotdog and cucumber, which is only apt since the penis ---for most people--- belongs in a very unique food group that must be regularly taken as nourishment.

Since second year high school, when our class took up dangling modifiers as a lesson in English, I began referring to the male genitalia (not specifically my own) as dangling modifiers. The slang, I believe, is justified because: (1) the penis, when soft, dangles between the thighs of the male; (2) the presence or absence of the penis determines the sex of a born child; and (3) its length, size, shape and other physical attributes unavoidably characterizes the man who bears it.

Dangling modifier /n/ - slang for the male genitalia. Also, cock, dick, love pole. I.e. The doctor, upon seeing the dangling modifier, announced to the couple that their second child is a boy. Pistol Pete's dangling modifier is unabashedly displayed in his short shorts.

To Bi For 08: Vanessa Marcil.

I do not what happened, whether it was me him or me, but after only one season, I don’t think Josh Duhamel is hot anymore. The first time I saw him in Las Vegas, I was wowed. I even searched hard to buy the video of Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. That was how much he turned me on. I could sit through two hours of a mediocre movie and still convince myself that I was sufficiently entertained.

Anyhow, now and then I still find myself able to suffer through an hour of Las Vegas even though each episode is as predictable as the last. What ---or who--- keeps me coming back for more is Vanessa Marcil. She plays a casino hostess in the TV series.

Vanessa appeals to me on a variety of levels. First, she is very pretty. Second, she is petite. Third, she looks Latina and has superbly tanned skin. Fourth, she has a tight ass that I’d very much want to cup in my hands. And fifth, she oozes with confidence. A petite woman with a tight ass and confidence to act as my equal is always a hit for me.

Must Blow 20: Jared Padalecki.

Being home early on a Saturday night is a tall task for me. After a very hectic and stenuous workweek, Saturday is most often my day to go out with friends and family. However, I have been trying my damnest to make it home at eight o'clock every Saturday night just to watch Supernatural.

If someone asks me who the sexiest or most gorgeous pair on television is right now, my quick and obvious choice would be the lead brothers in the sci-fi drama Supernatural. Since I have featured the other half, Jensen Ackles, before (see entry Must Blow 12), I take this opportunity to tackle the virtues of Jared Padalecki.

Padalecki is another young Hollywood turk who, I firmly believe, will be in showbusiness for the long haul. Not only is he handsome, hunky and sexy, he is also a talented actor. Yes, I make no qualms about calling him talented though he has not shown any sign that he'll be the next De Niro or Pacino. The quality that makes him a notably talented actor is that not only is he telegenic, he is charismatic onscreen. He is able to play his role well. And since he is physically very amiable, and has no mannerism that makes him annoying, he is easy to watch on screen. He is like Brad Pitt or Matt Damon. You just watch him do his thing (deliver his lines, look at the camera) and let the story unravel. He doesn't overact or underact, he just acts. The next thing the viewer knows, the movie is over and he had just a very entertaining two hours of his life.

Reading The Bell Jar.

I am presently in the middle of reading The Bell Jar, the only novel written by the acclaimed poet Sylvia Plath. It was published ---under a psuedonym--- shortly before the author's own suicide.

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The book tells of the story of the slow descent of Esther Greenwood from functional sanity. Although it must have pained ---or exorcised--- Plath while she was writing the novel, the work is admirable for its striking objectivity. The work is not didactic and the voice of the novel neither seeks understanding nor empathy. The story simply unfolds itself and it is the reader, given the images that Plath paints, who is moved to feel, act and think, as if on his own accord. It is indeed a feat, considering the subject matter and what one could only imagine to be the psychological, mental and emotional state of its author at that time.

The book is critically and academically acclaimed and is regarded as an important book. I have no issue with that. But the real importance of the book, I think, is beyond the shelves of the academia. It is the one book that should be shared to persons ---women, most especially---- suffering from depression, undue stress, or nervous breakdown. The credible truth that the book imparts may serve as a healing companion for people similarly situated as Esther. That, as much as J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye has served as a bible for troubled teens.

Here is one of my favorite passages from The Bell Jar. It typifies the brutal candor that Plath has seasoned her masterpiece.

I rolled on to my back again and made my voice casual. 'If you were going to kill yourself, how would you do it?'

Cal seemed pleased. 'I've often thought of that. I'd blow my brains out with a gun.'

I was disappointed. It was just like a man to do it with a gun. A fat chance I had of laying my hands on a gun. And even if I did, I wouldn't have a clue as to what part of me to shoot at.

SpeciMen 05: Kevin Costner, Aga Muhlach and Enrique Iglesias.

One who has seen a good dramatic movie in the late 1980s or early 1990s has most probably seen a Kevin Costner movie. Yes, he lorded it over during that era. Bull Durham, Field of Dreams, Untouchables, even Robinhood: The Prince of Thieves. He was the actor sought by established directors to topbill their latest project when they needed a box office draw who would not take away credibility from the film or the director. Brian De Palma directed him in Untouchables. Lawrence Kasdan had a couple of projects with the actor. Oliver Stone helmed JFK.

During that era, Kevin Costner was very much like Russell Crowe (in the end of the 1990s and the start of 2000), his movies get nominated for Best Picture Oscar (Field of Dreams, JFK). Eventually, one of his movies did win -Dances With Wolves- which also won him a controversial Academy Awards Best Director over Martin Scorsese.

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As in every star, there was a time that his shiny name waned. That was when he starred in big budget movies such as Waterworld and The Postman. Luckily, he was able to re-establish himself by finding new roles in Hollywood: either as the tormented widower or the evasive bachelor. Thus, there was a string of films heralding his return: Message in a Bottle, Rumor Has It, etc.

That Kevin Costner should be a Hollywood leading man and at once everyman's alter ego is easy to explain. Costner has the looks that are both regal and regular and pretty but not feminine. He likewise exudes sexuality that is irresistable (good for the ladies) yet not threatening (which made it okay with husbands and boyfriends all over the world).

My admiration for Kevin Costner is not so much spurred by physical attraction but by the empathy I had and felt for the heroes he played on screen. I loved him in Bull Durham and JFK. I considered Elliot Ness an amiable person and someone we ought to emulate.

You cannot be Filipino and not have a crush on Aga Muhlach. That is a lesson I learned relatively late in my life. Nearly everyone I know - man or woman, gay or straight- concur that Aga is handsome and that it is okay to have a crush in him. Just like every Filipino has.

Aga Muhlach is perhaps the most famous actor the country has ever had and undoubtedly its most enduring leading man. He has been king of the box office for three decades (1980s, 1990s, 2000s) and it does not show that his fans are tiring of him. Maybe that is why he still has a lot of commercial endorsements. Because everybody loves Aga.

It is always tempting to say that he is our version of Tom Cruise (but without the eccentricity or Scientology). However, Aga has outlived the fame of Tom Cruise and his name still invokes fine memories from Filipinos.

The third guy to complete today's episode of SpeciMen is American Latin crooner Enrique Iglesias.

Enrique Iglesias is good looking and sexy, sure, but what really attracts me is his music. I bought his first English language album, Enrique, and absolutely loved it. I liked the upbeat songs such as Bailamos, his pop duet with Whitney Houston and almost every track in that album. Until this date (seven years from the day I bought it), I still listen to the album at least once a week.

A look at Enrique and a taste of his music only brings to mind one word: Sensual. His voice and sound are as sticky as sugar on you back on a hot sunny day. It is there and it itches, sometimes discomfits, but it feels great, sexy. And the way he looks - a pefect combination of boy-man and man-boy- makes him perfectly irresistable.

Must Blow 19: Josh Elliot.

Among the present batch of Bel Ami porn stars, Josh Elliot is definitely one of those who best embody what this porn production house stands for. Clean cut and good looking. A boyish charm and telegenic appeal in a lean and hairless body. Plus a long, thick cock that is always ready for action.

Josh is one of the busiest porn actors in the present era. He has done a number of videos, including Pretty Boy, Greek Adventures 2 (Out in Mykonos), Out in Africa 1, Pillow Talk and Lukas in Love. He has also appeared in several magazines. In 2005, he was named Freshman of the Year by Freshmen magazine.

On a personal note, Josh Elliot is one of my favorite tops. I cannot now recall how many times he has played into my fantasy. I can only vividly recollect now that each one had been satisfying. Very satisfying.

A Discomfitting Juxtaposition of Sex and Death.

Over the weekend, I saw three very different yet equally entertaining movies. First is Munich, which is directed by Steven Spielberg and starred Eric Bana. The first thing I want to say about this film is that Bana never looked so sexy and amiable onscreen as he did in this movie. The immensity of his role likewise enabled him to show everyone that he can act and that a viewer can sit through two hours of a movie watching predominantly him and not get bored.

In this film, Spielberg once again proved that he is the filmmaker of filmmakers. I have always considered Charlie Chaplin as the genius of the movie while Spielberg is one of its masters (in the rare company of directors Stanley Kubrick and Alfred Hitchcock). Spielberg delivered in his retelling of events that unfolded after the abduction of jewish athletes in the Munich Olympics. It shall be remembered as one of his best "serious" works alongside Saving Private Ryan and Schindler's List.

The second movie I saw over the weekend was Masahista ("The Masseur"), a Filipino digital film directed by Brillante Mendoza. The perspective of the director on the subject matter (the lives of masseurs) is more disturbing than novel. I was greatly discomfitted by the juxtaposition made by Mendoza of sex and death. The movie went to and fro the death and funeral of the father of the title character (played by Coco Martin) and a particular day in his job when he rendered service (of course, it was more than just a massage) to a gay writer (who is safe to assume to be the screenwriter). While he gave a massage to the client, he told him about his life in the province. No doubt, the backbone of this movie was conceived under the same circumstances. In one series of scenes, the director interspersed from the main character preparing his father's body for interment (in a morgue, dressing and undressing him, caressing his body and reminiscing of old times) and applying lotion to the bare body of his client. Watching these scenes, I was easily reminded of a line from the Broadway musical, Les Miserables. Don't they know their making love to one already dead!!!

Since the director chose to confine his narration to these two events (the funeral of the father and the encounter with the writer-client), the movie was constricted and disappointing. I don't think that there was any value added in watching this film.

The best thing about Masahista, though, is its star, Coco Martin. This was his first film and he was a virtual unknown before the movie earned rave reviews from foreign film festivals. Coco did a fair job as the young masseur. I don't know if he intended it but he showed well how a young man forced under the circumstances to perform such jobs is able to maintain his innocence, sense of humor, sense of self and self-esteem. He was very likable onscreen and I truly believe that he would go far as an actor.

My last film was the romantic-comedy Failure to Launch. Matthew McConaughey never looked so good. There are lots of shirtless and gratuitous shots of him. The movie is able to deliver bits of laughter and romance as it should. However, there was absolutely no chemistry between Matthew and Sarah Jessica Parker. So I expect no sequel.